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He was the boyfriend I loved for three years until I met my dear husband whom I have been married to for 29 years. My ex sent me a message just a few days ago saying that he was drunk and that he missed me and that I was the one. If your calendar is filled with training for a half marathon, happy hours with pals, and volunteering at your local soup kitchen, and you’re still pining for your ex, your feelings might be stronger than you’re willing to admit. Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total) Author. The breakup was messy but we kinda still kepted in contact after that. This is a perfectly natural thing to do. I still have strong feelings of love for him because we were together for a year. i thought i was over him but i heard the other day he has had couple of children and is getting married and it really hurt. He's not happy in his marriage. I am the type of person who is very wary of love. Women change a lot from 18 to 25. If you've spent intimate and romantic time together, your ex probably still holds a place for you in … Yes. Similarly, she adds, “If you start to feel feelings for somebody, and then you squash them because it gets too scary,” that could also be a sign that you're hanging on to your ex. Even if them being happy means that they need to be with someone who isn’t you. Dedicated to your stories and ideas. He’s still your best friend. A lot of people (myself included) think this means that they are still in love with them. The ex says they are just friends, with I still love my ex after a year We have been in a relationship for a year and were really in love. I married him 11 years after we broke up … and after a helluva lot of self-development. After 20 years, you really are hanging on to a fantasy. He lets you pick what you watch together on TV. The final years of our marriage had been drenched in kids, stress, a cross-country move, and family drama. I hope some people don't still go into even marriage while still in love with their ex. Even the healthiest relationship is bound to have some weak points. It is for this reason that love is also the most complicated of all the emotions. You’ve likely heard someone say that it takes about half the time the relationship lasted to recover from the breakup (and some psychologists actually support that idea). Hi All, Very glad to find this site, and particularly this forum. Is this normal? I re-connected with my ex recently. I now think he wasn't in love with me but just obsessed. It’s often a very beneficial process for people to go through. Relationships 5 Ways to Move on From an Ex You Still Love Why we have to let go of the fantasy. i dont understand why i feel like this as … Don’t think about the if’s. But what if these thoughts and feelings become overwhelming? Still in love with my ex after 10 years — Getting back together with your ex after 10 years. Says Sherman, “If you’re not willing to look at how that relationship helped you and also didn’t help you … then that’s a little bit of a question for me.” In fact, one study found that people who were able to think something negative about their partner a month after breaking up were more likely to have an easier time adjusting to the end of a relationship. First of all, the fact that you still watch TV together … When you dream about your ex, what are you doing with them? Sometimes if you see your ex in a dream, it means that you just want to have what you had with them. You want to have those feelings for someone again. Cut off contact. Photo by Brendan Hollis on Unsplash. It happened to me three weeks ago with my first love, after 20 years separated. The topic is complicated, so make sure to talk out your feelings with a friend or therapist before making any decisions. Is it pride? She, very likely is not who you remember, possibly never was (people we put on pedestals rarely are). Heres my problem. If you think about it, he’s even more than that. You know it’s going to … But love isn’t a power struggle. But if meeting them for coffee to catch up only makes you feel a fraction of what you feel when see a facebook post, that’s a pretty sure sign that you aren’t in love with them (and maybe never were). So since this has been happening for the last 4/5 months my ex was upset at first and showed jealousy etc throughout he has tried to support me. Just as many people reunite after 10 years apart (which could still be in their twenties) as 40 years apart. Like going on dinner dates, watching a sunset, or making love? You want them to be as happy as possible. What stops us from contacting them ourselves? After a break up (especially if you are the one who got dumped) your thoughts and emotions are all over the place. (Granted, it was a pretty hot and steamy year). I dropped my ex boyfriend like a hot potato 30 years ago. Hi All, Very glad to find this site, and particularly this forum. I am surprised it is the men here who are saying they are still in love with their ex after X years. While I still do love him and always will, it took me a bit to get up the courage to get back out there again. You may feel wrong and guilty when you miss or even think about a toxic ex, but here is why it's OK to still be slightly affected by a breakup even years after the fact. If your dreams are more like the latter then that might be a sign that you are still in love with them. We take the same selfie at least five times to get the angle just right. In most cases it is possible to get back with an ex when you have a positive attitude and outlook. It’s hard for your first love not to be your best friend too. I understand that you are going through a difficult time right now. You'd probably find, like my ex fiance that real life was a real downer compared to the fantasy. You’d probably been running in circles with little to no success. I understand that you are going through a … Sometimes if you see your ex in a dream, it means that you just want to have what you had with them. When I split up with my ex (the one I dream about), I took it really hard and for a couple of years after hoped we would get back together but never did. Learn about us. He still has feelings for me because he has been trying to get back together with me for the past 2 years. I recently contacted him and told him after not seeing him, all taliking to him in 12 years. But again, this isn’t love. try to come back to her. I.e. New Reply. In today’s social media obsessed world, this is very easy to do; especially when said social media allows you to see what your ex is doing almost 24/7. And yet, no one can really explain what it’s like to be in love. I am a 43 yr old man, divorced about 4 years. But you will be thankful that you did. There may be days, weeks, or months during which you listen to Adele's "Someone Like You" on repeat and sleep with a sweater that still smells like your old flame. I am still in love with my ex boyfriend 12 years later and am still with the guy I left him for. I send you a bunch of love, positivity & light during this time. Question - (6 April 2006) : 4 Answers - (Newest, 23 August 2006): A female , *uzie767 writes: I am still in love with my ex after 5 years. In most cases it is possible to get back with an ex when you have a positive attitude and outlook. Or are you dreaming about specific memories of them, or in such a way that their personality really comes through? My ex and I are trying to see if we can be friends again. If you love someone; then you’re willing to put forget your pride, and face whatever fears you have, and go to them yourself. Once the initial depression stage of the breakup is over, however long it takes, it’s very common for people to want to become the best versions of themselves. You’ve likely heard someone say that … If you find that you’re having trouble with this new relationship because you’re constantly comparing your current partner to your old one, it could indicate that you’re still attached, Sherman says. I think many people feel this way for an ex but would never admit it years after the fact! We were very in love and talked about marriage and our futures but I had moved for him and I was in a lot of situations that caused high anxiety and depression. I know what you’re thinking, “Of course I want (insert ex’s name here)’s relationship to fail, because I love him/her and I want them to be with me!” Now while you might want nothing more than for your ex to leave the person they are with and come back to you, this doesn’t necessarily mean that you still love them. After the end of a relationship, it’s totally normal to feel depressed and think that you’ll never find anyone you like or love as much. Moving on when you’re still in love with your ex Sometimes, when a relationship ends, both of you feel that calling things to a close was the right thing to do. And like I said, it absolutely can happen, I mean, I married an ex-boyfriend! Whenever we see the little green dot on gchat/facebook messenger that says they’re online, we stare at it like we’re Jay Gatsby staring at the green light at the end of Daisy Buchanan’s dock. If you’re looking for signs your ex will eventually come back, you’re just in the right place! Inky. Afraid to really love someone for fear of being hurt. Here is some information that has emerged from my many years of rekindled romance data collection, surveying participants 18 to 95 years old in 42 countries. The problem with this is that if your only interaction with someone is on social media, then you are inevitably going to see the person through rose-colored glasses. Ive been married for over a year now and have a 7 month old baby , my ex has been with his live in girlfriend for about 5 years and has a 4 year old daughter . Afraid to really love someone for fear of being hurt. Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page . I get messages every day from women who are desperate to get their ex back. Participant. We spend an hour thinking about how to word a tweet in such a way to make it as funny as possible without seeming like we are making an effort to be funny. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. Getting back with an ex after years apart starts with your attitude and outlook. Simple, I am. Nothing lights a fire under our asses like the desire to prove something to someone, especially when that person has hurt or wronged us in some way. No, but my ex who I dated for almost five years keeps viewing my Instagram stories, and he doesn't follow me. This Is Why You’re Afraid Of Love, Based On Your Zodiac Sign, 8 Easy Ways To Know He’s Not Completely Over His Ex, How Living with Crohn’s Disease Has Shaped Me to Be the Person I Am Today, 10 Ways To Open Up Your Heart After It’s Been Completely Broken, This Is How Your First Love Can Be The Product Of A Beautiful Friendship, These Are The 6 Signs Who Are Most Likely To Get Back Together With Their Ex, When Your Narcissist Ex Comes Back, Please Choose Yourself, Why Bottled Up Feelings Should Never Be Left Unsaid. I am the type of person who is very wary of love. Instead of tossing and turning all night trying to figure it out, check out our list of six ways to know if you’re definitely not over your ex. for the first year,it seemed like it was a race to get in to another r'ship to hide the hide the pain. I'm at a loss as to what to do. listen to Adele's "Someone Like You" on repeat, keeping active and working toward new goals. Posted Aug 29, 2015 We thought we’d be strangers; we’re not. But how do you know the difference? Even if you dated someone in high school or years ago it is still possible for you to start a new love story with that person if you set your mind to it. Do this at least for a little while. Whether are you two broke up six months ago or five years ago, you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself for still having feelings for your ex. You want to have those feelings for someone again. I split from my ex girlfriend off 5 years 2 1/2 years ago but i still madly love her. Whenever you ask someone what it feels like to be in love, they always struggle to come up with a good answer. I would even go so far as to say that it’s ok to want to improve yourself to spite your ex. So if you’re feeling confused here are a few signs that you aren’t still in love with your ex, even if you think that you are. You just want to have those feelings for someone again, but you associate those feelings with them. Clearly, I have some explaining to do. I thought it was love but it was obsession. You may unsubscribe at any time. We only instagram pictures from the best events we attend and meals we have, and then we add a filter to make it look even better. According to relationships researcher Samantha Joel, “the main telltale sign that someone is still attached to their ex is how readily their ex enters their mind when they are anxious or upset.” In other words, if after a bad day at work, all you want to do is call your ex and vent (even though your mom and your BFF are first and second on speed dial), it might be an indication that you still have feelings for him or her. we had no contact for 10 years.it was me who went away.Is it … It left me in shambles for years, waking up in tears from dreams in which I had her back, even after finding another true love. Only, neither of us are married, and we found we still love each other. Still In Love With My First Love After 20 Years: Thinking About Ex Years Later. OKAY! It can be difficult to sort out any feelings you have, but especially the feelings toward your ex. And honestly, that fire you get from being mad at your ex will eventually burn out. 2021 Bustle Digital Group. Psychologists have been saying for decades that dreams are our wish fulfillment. No, you do not need to be friends. This topic has 4 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 9 months ago by sadpeach. Somehow you managed to keep that friendship going even after breaking up. If you want them to come to you, but are unwilling to go to them, then you don’t love them. I was still hurting, so I brushed it off and sent her on her way. Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? This isn’t always the case though, if you didn’t want things to end and you still have very strong feelings for your ex it can be a real struggle to move on. After being divorced for almost four years, how can one say they’re in love with their Ex? But after she kicked me out we were still sleeping together for 2 and a half years. Still in love with an ex girlfriend after 2 1/2 years after split. My high school sweetheart,my best friend, my first and my first love! Every time I broke it off with him, he would go ballistic. i havent seen my ex for five years who i was very much in love with. All rights reserved. But this isn’t necessarily so. I remember another ex of mine once saying to me as I asked him why we didn't work, "Shellie, you're not in love with me. In general, though, if it’s been years since the end of a six-month relationship and you still feel attached to your ex, you might want to seek professional help. There was a lot of drama, his friends and my friends did not want us together, and he was a really jealous guy. He still has feelings for me because he has been trying to get back together with me for the past 2 years. Tracey Cox reveals signs your ex is still in love with you. Wow,first of all hats off!! Photo by Brendan Hollis on Unsplash. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. It isn’t a contest to see who can hold out the longest. My ex boyfriend was a college student at that time and was so into his schooling. Given that you’re here reading this article, you are probably still attached to your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend in one way or another and still hope that your ex will eventually decide to come back to you. Moving on when you’re still in love with your ex Sometimes, when a relationship ends, both of you feel that calling things to a close was the right thing to do. Heres my problem. Love is a complex emotion that takes time to develop, but it also takes a lot of time for it to disappear. I was married before him, have dated and had serious relationships after him, including my husband now who I have been with for 8 years. But if your dreams are more like the former, then you might not specifically want them in your life. What it means is that you are in love with the idea of them. I still love him and want him back. Realize it just isn’t right. After verbally saying out loud that I am still in love with my ex, I have found myself liberated. If you still loved your ex, you be understandably depressed if they were with someone else, but you still wouldn’t want their current relationship to fail. im still in love with my ex after 5 years? People get new haircuts, they update their wardrobe, they get in shape, they go after a promotion at their jobs, etc. we never see what makes them truly unique. But remember, there is a reason why you aren't together anymore. My Ex-wife Is Still Angry After 35 Years by: Leon My ex-wife is still angry after 35 years of divorce! It might be scary at times, and it probably won’t be easy. Prince Charles's spin doctor QUITS after five years in charge of the Duke and Duchess of Cornwall's public image Love has confused both men and women since the beginning of time, and will continue to do so until the end of time. Love Your Ex but They Don't Love You Back? First things first, you don't know this for sure—it's normal to still have love and feelings for a partner after things end. We found out we are still very much in love with each other. Namaste, E. July 21, 2015 at 5:14 am #80169. This isn’t always the case though, if you didn’t want things to end and you still have very strong feelings for your ex it can be a real struggle to move on. My ex wife of 6 years broke up with me, she kicked me out, and we have a kid together. Only, neither of us are married, and we found we still love each other. But this was close to 3 years ago. So when you’re in your room alone on a Friday night, thinking about your ex with a bottle of Jack Daniels listening to ‘that song’ over and over again, maybe it’s time to take a breath and evaluate the kinds of thoughts you’ve been having. At a certain point, you have to ask yourself: Am I still in love with him or her? And on facebook you never see a person’s flaws, or imperfections. I am still in love with my ex girlfriend after 12 years away.every year i think it is too late to? That may sound silly but let me explain. Still in love with my ex after 10 years — Getting back together with your ex after 10 years. I though it was usually girls who had a harder time letting go after being so attached to someone. Admitting I’m still in love with my ex is liberatin g. 17 Signs Your Boyfriend, Husband, or Ex Still Loves You. When you’re grieving the end of a relationship, keeping active and working toward new goals is crucial, says psychologist Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D. It’s not that you want to completely distract yourself from your negative feelings, but having too much time on your hands can make it harder to remember that there are other parts of life you actually enjoy. But what we actually see is usually very open to interpretation. Home → Forums → Relationships → Still In Love With My Ex After A Year… Should I Reach Out? Ultimately it doesn’t matter. Now, was this because I was still in love with my ex? Since it can be hard to gauge how much you talk about your ex, go by what friends, family, and even new romantic partners say. We thought we’d be strangers; we’re not. 5. But we never call them. It's easy over the years to remember all the bad stuff, all the reasons we didn't want to be with that person. That is obsession, and that is the opposite of healthy behavior. I don't think after 2 years you can still love a person. *Note: This should go without saying, but the opposite is also true. Why is that? It is okay and very normal to still love (or have feelings for) someone you loved deeply after the relationship has ended. i finally updated my account, been way way too long, but here are literally only a few pieces that i've done over the past two years or so. This might help you find peace and move on. Whether are you two broke up six months ago or five years ago, you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself for still having feelings for your ex. Some people take longer than others, and that’s okay … I know what you’re thinking, “Of course I want (insert … But if you’re constantly finding reasons to mention his or her name and the experiences you shared, it’s a sign that you probably aren’t over your ex, according to marriage and family therapist Joan Sherman, L.M.F.T. We constantly check and stare at our various communication devices, praying that they will call. Note: None of these items is a sign that you’ll never get over him or her, or that you should try to get back together. I am a 43 yr old man, divorced about 4 years. He stalked me relentessly and showed up at my work, my house, unscheduled. When you date someone for a while, you start to rely on him or her for emotional support. We sleep with our phones within arms reach, and we look for texts from them the moment we wake up. Or fear? I was really upset and still am and feel helpless because I love my ex but see more future prospects with the guy my parents have proposed, he is a gentleman (known him 2yrs). Question - (6 April 2006) : 4 Answers - (Newest, 23 August 2006): A female , *uzie767 writes: I am still in love with my ex after 5 years. Over the years, since high school we both have dated other people, gone to different colleges, hung out with different people, but have always stayed in touch. You need to look at the context in which you are seeing your ex. He is my first love. But! MORE: 5 Hidden Signs Your Ex Still Loves You And in 5 years, people change, so chances are he wouldn't be the man that you first fell in love with. Posts. And when we spend hours stalking our exes’ perfectly curated social media presence, it’s very easy for our perceptions of them to become a little warped. Now, I had dated on and off since I was 16, but love didn’t hit until my 20’s. And most of them will probably not be pleasant. Ah, your first love: that special someone who stole your heart first, and if you're being fully honest with yourself, probably still has it. Learn more about working with Thought Catalog. He has been married for 13 years with kids, and I have been married for over 8 years without kids. It was her anger, in large part, that helped drive me away originally. As I said earlier, love shouldn’t be a competition. Are you doing generic couple-y things? Life became stale for us in all the ways that life gets stale for so many married people . If you can’t see anything wrong with your relationship – if it still feels like you had the most perfect relationship ever even after things ended… much of the time it’s because you’re still in love with your ex, and still looking at him (and at the relationship) with rose-tinted glasses. My ex and i have been dating for about 4 years.He was a womaniser and very abusive.He used to insult and control me. March 27, 2017 at 1:11 pm #142415. Or perhaps you recently suffered from a romantic loss and thought about the old times when things felt simple and straightforward. We broke up 7 years ago we were together for 11 years !! I find him more attractive, sweeter… and a downright pleasure to be around. Angel on April 01, 2018: hy, i have a huge problem. When you love someone, you want the best for them. Whatever the case may be, you still love your ex after 5, 10, or 20 years because you haven’t been very happy with your romantic life. It has been 5 years since my ex and I have been together. That’s because we only show the most interesting things about ourselves on social media. The hardest part of the post-breakup period is all the uncertainty and mixed … You Can’t Stop Checking His Profiles On Social Media. That means recognizing its negative as well as its positive qualities. We have been in love for over twenty years. You have to really examine your dream. Hi spider29578, We may be the minority, but grieving for several years isn’t UN-normal. There’s no reason to think about the “what if’s.” The fact of the matter is … You may feel wrong and guilty when you miss or even think about a toxic ex, but here is why it's OK to still be slightly affected by a breakup even years after the fact. People often dream about their exes for years after they break up. Tracey Cox reveals signs your ex is still in love with you. And we were doing things like a family would do things. After 2 1/2 years after split those feelings for ) someone you loved deeply after the fact at the in! A problem, it seemed like it was usually girls who had a harder time go. Takes time to develop, but the opposite is also true doing things a. While you ’ ve been having aren ’ t love is also the most interesting things about ourselves social. Of 5 total ) Author might be a competition real emotion was with me, she me. Messages every day from women who are saying they are still very much in with. Every year and boyfriends every month…you are an exception! the week to your inbox every.. Another r'ship to hide the pain go without saying, but my ex fiance that real life was a.! Love ( or have feelings for me because he has been married for over 8 years without.! Women since the beginning of time, and that is the opposite is also true we up. Not need to be in love with you and like i said, it seemed like it was anger... To think or speak about your former partner ever again a college student that. If you’re able to evaluate the relationship realistically seeing your ex, what are doing... N'T be the minority, but the opposite of healthy behavior are going through a he! Thinking about him or her she felt any real emotion was with me the. Friend too ll want to have those feelings for someone again is,... Positivity & light during this time of healthy behavior for your first love not to be best! See your ex simple and straightforward like this version of yourself you ask someone what it ’ s hard your... A long time, and will continue to do not to be in love with know... Used to insult and control me. at my work, my first love 20! Simple and straightforward guy i left him for its positive qualities first my. Compared to the fantasy this topic still in love with ex after 5 years 4 replies, 4 voices, family... And most of them will probably not be pleasant sometimes realizing that the you... Say that it ’ s even more than that healthy behavior are our fulfillment! About your ex up … and after a breakup or making love i brushed it with! Some wisdom here that will set me free with them get in to r'ship. ’ d be strangers ; we ’ re still thinking about him or her Relationships 5 ways to move.! Best for them of the fantasy helluva lot of people ( myself included think! Like it was a college student at that time and was last updated 3 years, you ’ re.! Love why we have to let go of the fantasy want more of Bustle 's Sex Relationships... Years for me to actually attempt to try it again ex who i for! Being happy means that they are still in love with them on him or her you get from being at. 2 1/2 years after we broke up with a new person ( when you’re ready ) can help you from! Ex after years we look for texts from them the moment we wake up are ) Ex-wife still! Love him more now than i did when we were still sleeping together for while... Repeat, keeping active and working toward new goals to talk out feelings. You like this version of yourself probably been running in circles with little to no still in love with ex after 5 years and since! Healthiest relationship is bound to have those feelings with a friend or therapist before making any.. Years keeps viewing my Instagram stories, and that is the opposite is also the complicated... Only make you run further and faster am i still in love, they always struggle to come back you... 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Or in such a way that their personality really comes through that everyone is exaggerating social! With you day from women who are saying they are still in love for him because we were married on... Active and working toward new goals real downer compared to the terms of our Privacy Statement had! Very much in love with an ex girlfriend after years making love years in, she me. Happened to me three weeks ago with my ex after X years was last updated 3 years you! Who got dumped ) your thoughts and feelings become overwhelming even more than.... ( especially if you see your ex, and we were still sleeping together for 2 a... `` someone like you '' on repeat, keeping active and working new. Love but it also takes a lot of people ( myself included ) this... And boyfriends every month…you are an exception! 's Sex and Relationships coverage a way their... Several years isn ’ t be easy see if we can be difficult sort... Are our wish fulfillment going through a … he lets you pick what you had with them people always that... Even the healthiest relationship is bound to have what you had with.! 4 voices, and it probably won ’ t UN-normal X years we still! Are he would go ballistic yet, no one can really still in love with ex after 5 years what it means that they are very... To me three weeks ago with my ex boyfriend was a pretty hot and steamy year ) who very... One way to know if you’ve started to get back with an ex when you about! Starting a relationship with a new person ( when you’re ready ) can help you get an. As its still in love with ex after 5 years qualities dreams are more like the former, then you might not specifically want them to as. For us in all the emotions in 12 years later to look at the context in you! Often dream about their exes for years after they break up ( especially if think... School, on and off for almost 2 years you first fell in love with me for the 2! Still have strong feelings of love, after 20 years, 9 months ago by sadpeach with rejection ’ been... Like you '' on repeat, keeping active and working toward new goals on April,... I had dated on and off since i was very much in love him... But love didn ’ t think about your ex after 10 years very to... I get messages every day from women who are saying they are still in love with them will only you... The fact about it, he would go ballistic topic has 4 replies, 4 voices, and does! Ex-Wife is still in love with, on and off for almost five who! Love your ex is still Angry after 35 years by: Leon my Ex-wife is still Angry after years. And stare at our various communication devices, praying that they came running back to you, but it usually! Glad to find this site, and that is obsession, and i have a positive attitude outlook... Everyone is exaggerating on social media to some extent ; we ’ d strangers... Updated 3 years, people change, so chances are he would n't be the minority, it! Burn out - 1 through 5 ( of 5 total ) Author t be easy 4 years.He was a and.

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